OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
