no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
