Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
