how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I woke up under a house in Key West
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