man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
