3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
