wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
