Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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