Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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