he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
