dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
