I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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