my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Did I show you my penis last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize