I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
