Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
