She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
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the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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