now i know why i became what i already was.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
