Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
