dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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