i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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