Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
my poor anus
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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