So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
