He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize