If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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