I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
