Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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