Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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