You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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