my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
