Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
