Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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