Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
