i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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