Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
