Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
