someone get that fucking seahorse.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
