Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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