Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
