Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
worst night to have a conscience
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
