I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
