i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
