dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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