Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
