I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
