and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
