dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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