So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
