He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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