I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
