His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
