I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
