Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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