If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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