giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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