UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
they call him Oral-B. enough said
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You can't just leave with hair like that
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
