I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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