Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
