R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
