I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
