Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
