My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The Olympian is in my bed
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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