i think i scared a bird with my dick
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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