Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
