My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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