Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
