i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
