Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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