Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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