soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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