I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
