I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
